starting over

I am realizing that I am too perfectionistic when it comes to weight loss and I have all or nothing thinking. I am trying to take a new approach adn focus on reading my scriptures daily and praying more. SO far so Good. God is giving me the help to make small changes little by little. TOday I am starting the 5 day reset with USANA. I feel great when I do it. after those 5 days I will try to get back into the TAPOUT workout. be a little beter everyday. Dont' make unrealistic goals. Baby steps and God will help me over come my weaknesses. I need to stay humble and realize I am nothing without Him and ask for his guidance daily. Have actions that match my goals. pray for strength. Herb and I have booth been suffering with depression symptoms this month. He has lost weight, I have gained weight. He has not slept well. I think we are overwhelmend with life and the changes going on. We havne't had money for a vacation for a while now and I dont' think we have done too many fun things that Herb and I enjoy. We havent had money and we spend our life doing things to make sure our daughter is happy. I need to get more in tune with hte Lords spirit and I know I cna succeed and everything will work out.

Good News

Today I ahve been sick with Herb's stomach flu bug. no throwing up, just bad chills adn stomach pain and felt like I was going to throw up I am very upset with myself that I didn't get a free ipad from USANA> The customer service rep told me wrong, and now tehre are none left. I was so sad, I cried. we could have used that. I did get good news. The OBGYN told em my results from my FSH follicle stimulating hormone test. It does not show me in menopause at all! halleluleigh! It shows a slight drop in level but she said it was fine for pregnancy. I am to try for 6 months and if not pregnant I will then have to see a reproductive specialist. My regular doctor is putting me on metformin for my diabetes. I have been told by some that metformin helped them get pregnant. Interesting. I am hopeful and feel good about this. eating healthy and exercising once I am over this sickness. working on getting my blood sugars down. I haven't been eating much today as my tummy has been ill. I slept a lot today. was freezing. now I am warm. I am supposed to work tomorrow. we need the money adn I want to do the job. feeling like I do tonight, I wouldn't be going. I still have a fever.

Recognizing and being honest.

you can't change what you dont' acknowledge. Making excuses will never get me to my goals. So I will be completely honest and get this off my chest as to why I stopped exercising and eating right. SO have fallen off track on goals and everything. our family has been sick a bunch. WE are all sick right now. I got strep. EIlee a sore throat and cold. and Herb the flu. Not a fun few weeks. Herb and I have also been depressed somewhat. We are worried about how we will make it with the furlough and a loss of 20% of his pay. We have some food storage, but not any money in savings due to bills and credit card debt from our high mortgage rate we had. I need to do a lot of changing. I need to in order to be happy and figure out how to make it through the next 6 weeks. Exercise is a key to health. My blood sugars have been much higher as i have eaten more sugary foods and white flour foods. Cheap and easy..Fast. i know that is an excuse. I have realized in reading up on overeating/binge eating that people go into a food trance after they eat a lot of food or high carb foods. It kind of numbs you for a while when emotions are high. I need to figure out my emotions. If they are due to abandonment, not feeling important to people, scared of dying young if I dont' lose weight. WOrrying about not having more kids, and not having money to adopt a child. I always wanted 10 kids. then later in life at least 3-4. I have realized that what I thought I woudl be at 43 isnt' what I thought I woudl be. I can change. It will take a lot of effort and I think that I have been trying to do this on my own. I really havent' been seeking the Lord earnestly. It is like He is knocking on the door and I am not opening it. I believe He can help me. and Give me answers to all my questions fears, emotional problems etc. Now I feel like I have blow the opportunity of having children because I was afraid, now I worry that I might die due to complications. it is a scary feat. I need to go to the temple and fast and pray about this again. TOmorrow I am having a blood test that will tell me if my eggs are still viable. If it is even possible to have kids. The OBGYn said to see an endocrinologist for my diabetes and to get that under control first. But everything else is ok. SO tomorrow is a big deal. I wonder if I got a bit depressed thinking this test was an end all...would lose hope and I already did. I know it is in God s hands if he wants me to have a baby I will. But i need to alos show my part in this and get healthier. Addictions and weaknesses suck and I am tired of trying to do this on my own. I need to rely on my Savior....