Recognizing and being honest.

you can't change what you dont' acknowledge. Making excuses will never get me to my goals. So I will be completely honest and get this off my chest as to why I stopped exercising and eating right. SO have fallen off track on goals and everything. our family has been sick a bunch. WE are all sick right now. I got strep. EIlee a sore throat and cold. and Herb the flu. Not a fun few weeks. Herb and I have also been depressed somewhat. We are worried about how we will make it with the furlough and a loss of 20% of his pay. We have some food storage, but not any money in savings due to bills and credit card debt from our high mortgage rate we had. I need to do a lot of changing. I need to in order to be happy and figure out how to make it through the next 6 weeks. Exercise is a key to health. My blood sugars have been much higher as i have eaten more sugary foods and white flour foods. Cheap and easy..Fast. i know that is an excuse. I have realized in reading up on overeating/binge eating that people go into a food trance after they eat a lot of food or high carb foods. It kind of numbs you for a while when emotions are high. I need to figure out my emotions. If they are due to abandonment, not feeling important to people, scared of dying young if I dont' lose weight. WOrrying about not having more kids, and not having money to adopt a child. I always wanted 10 kids. then later in life at least 3-4. I have realized that what I thought I woudl be at 43 isnt' what I thought I woudl be. I can change. It will take a lot of effort and I think that I have been trying to do this on my own. I really havent' been seeking the Lord earnestly. It is like He is knocking on the door and I am not opening it. I believe He can help me. and Give me answers to all my questions fears, emotional problems etc. Now I feel like I have blow the opportunity of having children because I was afraid, now I worry that I might die due to complications. it is a scary feat. I need to go to the temple and fast and pray about this again. TOmorrow I am having a blood test that will tell me if my eggs are still viable. If it is even possible to have kids. The OBGYn said to see an endocrinologist for my diabetes and to get that under control first. But everything else is ok. SO tomorrow is a big deal. I wonder if I got a bit depressed thinking this test was an end all...would lose hope and I already did. I know it is in God s hands if he wants me to have a baby I will. But i need to alos show my part in this and get healthier. Addictions and weaknesses suck and I am tired of trying to do this on my own. I need to rely on my Savior....