Starting over again

I am starting a new weight loss diet from readers digest. It is called "the digest diet" I researched the pros and cons. there were no cons. Real food. easy to follow. On the first day, I swear I am peeing a ton! I am not drinking a lot extra or eating too many foods with diuretic properties. It says you will eat foods that release fat. also my blood sugars went down to 114 this afternoon! so far so good. If Only I can get my knee better. It popped and made noises and it hurts to bend it. and elevate it too. I am going ot see a dr tomorrow hope it is nothing serious. I need to be able to work to support our family through the furlough, as my hubby loses 10% of his paycheck for hte next three months. I feel good about this program. am excited to try something new. I have gained 20-30 pounds since my lowest. NOT GOOD AT ALL~ I was preparing a family home evening lesson and found a good thought. all things, unless constantly acted upon are in a state of digression. Nothing is in neutral. you are either moving forward, or moving back. Take a new piece of furniture. the day it was finished, it started to deteriorate...break down get old. just like a car, once you drive it off hte lot, it looses value. we need to take care of it etc.. I figure this relates to our bodies. We are either taking care of them and getting stronger, or if we are not taking care of them, deteriorating and getting closer to death. Good thought. I have definitely been moving backward the past few months. lots of stress and working lots of hours. eating out. bad choices. not exercising. I need to rely on God more for my weakness. Not try to do it alone. like I have for so long. I am a good person, I have a good life with my little family. I am blessed. I want to be around for them and not die young. I think of dying young everyday, and quite often sometimes several times a day. I think that being obese=death. and that I need to take care of me. I think I need to start with loving me and not being so critical of myself. I swear I am so negative on myself, I am never that negative on other people, I would never say the things to them that I say to myself....go figure...I know God loves me. Its' just I am frustrated with my self and feel like a failure in so many things. weight debt, housekeeping education...lots of things I haven't accomplished or cant' get a grip on consistently. balance is a hard thing. ALL I KNOW IS DAILY PRAYER WILL HELP ME AND GOD WILL HELP ME TO DO THE THINGS MOST IMPORTANT. the small and simple things I do, I will be blessed and great things can happen.